2019… bit of a weird one!
We aren’t particularly ending on a high. We didn’t really start on a high either. There were some good parts in between at least!
Overall, it’s a year to be proud.
Year on year, I surpass the expectations I set for myself. I’ve always been one to set goals too high and because of that my expectations of myself aren’t particularly high. I don’t have much belief in myself, I put myself and my work down far too often and I have such a negative attitude towards everything. It’s a trait in myself I often despise. It takes a lot for me to be told and know that I’m actually doing something well and even when I do well I tend to compare myself to others who have done better and put myself down. It’s something I’ve definitely gotten better at this year. Coming to terms with the fact I narrowly missed out on a 2:1 in my bachelors degree really helped me turn a corner this year. It taught me to value me for me; that no one else’s achievements in relation to mine mattered because they are not me and they are not on this journey.
The overwhelming negative of this year has been the amount of fatigue I’ve faced. It seemed to perk up around the middle of the year but now I’m in a period of tiredness I’ve not felt since I first started my little journey with RA. I can bite the bullet and face literally any pain or other symptoms RA throws my way, but I am just too tired to function. It has me worried because when I was last like this I was sitting my A level exams and my grades flopped. Now I’m half way through my Masters degree and can’t help but worry the same thing might happen again, but this time it’s much more damaging.
Much like this blog, this year has been rather doom and gloom. Many illnesses and some mental health issues later we made it out to the other side.
Obviously this year is also the end of a decade. Here’s the highlights of my decade, year by year, all of which I am immensely proud of:
- 2010: I only wish I could remember this far back
- 2011: Swam at Nationals. The peak of my swimming career
- 2012: Quit swimming- started coaching. Some fab years and memories of my time with JO3
- 2013: Did some pretty cool stuff with sports leaders, school games the peak
- 2014: Ski Trip. Left school with 13 great GCSEs
- 2015: Bolsover- loved and hated the place but have the best memories of this place. Officially a level 2 qualified swimming coach!
- 2016: Passed my driving test. Made it to uni
- 2017: New job, new beginnings
- 2018: Finally made the decision of what I aspire to do with the rest of my life
- 2019: Finished one degree, started the next. Doing better than ever expected in my Masters
Of course I fail to miss some major milestones that have made me who I am. The death of my grandma (god bless her soul) mainly in 2014. My RA diagnosis in 2016 the other main thing. The main thing I take from that summary is that in 2010 if you’d have asked me what I was going to do with my life, uni wouldn’t have been in the equation. Never mind a bloody maths degree! And in 2015 if you’d said in 4 years time you’ll be doing a Masters degree in Finance, I’d have laughed in your face and probably had you sectioned for insanity. It been difficult celebrating some of these great memories without my Grandma and that’s something I discuss a lot. I do often wonder what exactly she’d be saying to me right now, but I’m sure if I’m proud of myself she must be too.
In terms of my RA, I’m still in remission. This means my meds are all working exactly how they should be so I can lead a normal life. My health isn’t stable though, but that’s something we’re working on to hopefully fix.
Writing all this has me very tired out, no surprises! I guess all that’s left to say is thank you to the 2010s and thank you to 2019 for helping shape me to be exactly who I am. Here’s hoping for a healthy, happy and successful 2020❤️
I shall finish the year/decade with a quote that I’ve always loved:
“It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters in the end” ~ Ernest Hemingway
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